Lord of the Wrestling Ring
by the-vampyre-dru-mystarre
Summary: Lord of the Rings with a WWE twist. Good news, the story is finally moving along!
1. Intro and a conversation

I forgot to mention before, but I am using the movie format, rather than the book format. And I will go ahead and apologize for any boring moments.  
  
Introduction:  
  
Our story begins with the forging of the Championship Belts in the Land known as Greenwich, where the forging of the belts took place the fires of Titan Towers.  
  
Three were given to the divas, beautiful and seductive but dangerous.  
  
Seven were given to the main event superstars destined to go down in sports entertainment history.  
  
And nine were given to corporate, because lets face it, corporate always gets the most.  
  
But all of them had just been screwed over by the Dark Lord Vince McMahon, for he had forged for himself the Undisputed Championship Belt to rule them all. (Cue picture of Vince looking quite evil surrounded by the flames of Titan Towers.)  
  
The Dark Lord tried to take over all of Middle Earth and there was a battle between the armies of men and elves and the army of Greenwich. It was during the final battle that Vince was defeated by Rico, son of the King. Rico was.quite different from the other princes and when he saw the belt, he took it for his own.  
  
"Oh my god, look at that divine belt. It is just so faboo!" he squealed like a schoolgirl.literally.  
  
But anyways.somehow Rico was killed and the belt lost.until it was picked up by the creature Goldust.  
  
"My.treasured."  
  
The belt was then "stolen" by an unlikely creature, a hobbit, by the name of Hulk Hogan and now it will once again resurface in:  
  
THE LORD OF THE WRESTLING RING: The Facgime of the Squared Circle  
  
(*Facgime was a word used by Edge and Christian during the McMahon-Helmsley Faction/Regime/Era)  
  
Zach Gowan is sitting under a tree and the putting of an old, beat-up junker car is heard. Up drives Mick Foley.  
  
"Foley the Fuchsia! I haven't seen you in ages!" Zach exclaimed, "You must be here for Uncle Hulk's 162nd birthday party."  
  
"Uh. yeah. that, and a book signing."  
  
Foley the Fuchsia continues on his journey to Hulk Hogan's house. They talk for awhile and Hulk tells him what is on his mind.  
  
"Foley. I need to get out of here, and see the wilderness. Ya know what I mean, brother?!"  
  
I know.this is on-the-edge-of-your-seat excitement but you'll have to wait for more of this intriguing saga to continue. Thanks for reading and your reviews. 


	2. How to escape a party with a belt

Previously: Foley the Fuchsia visits his old (and I mean OLD!) friend Hulk Hogan.  
  
"Foley. I need to get out of here, and see the wilderness. Ya know what I mean, brother?! I think.I think I'm gonna leave brother!"  
  
"Leave!? Again? You know very well that you don't stay gone! You always leave and come back!"  
  
"But this time I'm serious. I really think I need to go.brother."  
  
"Does Zach know? He is really quite fond of you.poor, mindless kid."  
  
"I didn't tell him, but I'm sure he won't be surprised if I just, disappeared out of nowhere.again brother."  
  
"Well I think.oh my gosh! Look at the time.gotta go sign some books!"  
  
"But."  
  
"Bye."  
  
Later that night: Hulk's birthday party.  
  
Everyone is celebrating.except of course Hulk Hogan. Foley the Fuchsia is showing some young hobbits how to blow stuff up.  
  
"Okay.light it and run."  
  
But anyways, that's not important. The hobbits sing, dance, eat, blow stuff up and eat some more until it is finally time for Hulk to give his speech.  
  
"I'm old.162 to be exact, and let's face it. I'm ruining my life staying here. I just want to say.farewell BROTHER!" Hulk straps on a belt and disappears.  
  
"Hopefully he'll stay gone this time." An anonymous hobbit stated.  
  
"NOOOOOO! UNCLE HULK!"  
  
Meanwhile: Foley the Fuchsia stops by Hulk's hobbit hole where Hulk is preparing to leave.  
  
"What happened, brother? I heard Zach's high pitched scream."  
  
"You didn't tell him did you? He's passed out on a hillside right now."  
  
"No.I just couldn't brother. I was going to, but then he looked at me with those big, hopeful, dumb eyes, and I couldn't break his heart.He looks up to me so much."  
  
"He really needs a better role model.but anyways.that belt you put on.I suppose that it is staying here."  
  
"Uh.yeah."  
  
"You have it in your suitcase.don't you? Hulk, there are only so many magic belts in the world and they aren't meant to be used for jokes and games. They are supposed to be used for important things.like ruling a country, escaping from a truly dangerous situation, and shoplifting"  
  
"I suppose you're right brother. You are so wise and all-knowing Foley."  
  
"Aren't I though?"  
  
"But, I can't part with it."  
  
"Hulk, I think you can."  
  
"IT'S MINE AND IF YOU TRY TO TAKE IT, HULKAMANIA IS GONNA RUN WILD ON YOU BROTHER!"  
  
"You don't scare me, Hulk."  
  
Foley finally convinces Hulk to leave the belt behind. After attempting to attack Foley twice Hulk finally leaves. Zach comes in to find Foley and the belt waiting for him.  
  
"Is it true.is he gone." Zach asked, his eyes welling up with tears. "I was hoping it was all just a joke and that he would be here waiting for me. But I was wrong. OH WOE IS ME!"  
  
"Get a grip! Just think of it this way, you just got this hobbit hole and all of Hulk's other possessions FOR FREE!"  
  
"But the price of all this is nothing compared to the price of a wonderful uncle!" Zach can no longer hold his tears back and starts throwing a tantrum in the middle of the floor "I WANT MY UNCLE HULK BACK!"  
  
"Oh my gosh.you'd just had a coming of age into manhood and you're acting like a two-year-old."  
  
Just then, Zach stops his tantrum, but not because of Foley. He had just spotted a shiny gold belt on the floor. 


	3. Belt phantoms they'll pee on your grave!

Previously: Hulk uses his belt to escape his birthday party. Foley confronts him about and convinces him to leave the belt behind. Zach has a breakdown at the loss of Hulk, but the shiny belt distracts him.  
  
"Ohhh.shiny!"  
  
Zach runs over and picks the belt up. "Maybe you're right. Maybe it is good that uncle Hulk left."  
  
"I wonder.Zach, throw that in the fire."  
  
"What?! This wondrous piece of craftsmanship?!"  
  
"Yes."  
  
Zach tosses it in the fire.  
  
"Why did you make me do that?"  
  
"Watch."  
  
The fire spit the belt back out onto the floor in front of Zach.  
  
"Tell me, does it say anything?"  
  
"Foley, for being a wise wizard you really don't know much. It is a belt. Belts don't have mouths."  
  
"I meant.is there writing on it?"  
  
"Yes, but I can quite read it."  
  
"You're illiterate. Just when I thought that you might have half a brain cell."  
  
"No. It's in another language."  
  
"Bring it here then.ah, it's the language of Greenwich. It says:  
  
Undisputed Champion  
  
"That's it?"  
  
"Yeah. He may have been evil, but he wasn't very creative.  
  
Foley the Fuchsia continues by telling him the legend of the Dark Lord Vince McMahon.  
  
"NO!" the door bursts open and in runs Michael Cole.  
  
"What are you doing here?" Foley asked.  
  
"Well, I saw what happened at the party and I wanted to make sure that Master Zach was okay. But then.I'm sorry.I couldn't help but overhear.you don't think that my love.I mean Zach will be in trouble."  
  
"I should think not. As long as I stay here in the Ring, I should be okay. Don't worry about me." Zach gives MC a big hug that lasted.quite awhile.  
  
"I'm sorry to break this big hug fest up.but I do think that you will be in danger Zach. I think that you should leave the ring for awhile."  
  
So Zach is forced to go on a journey. The next morning Zach and MC set off.  
  
"Foley said to meet him at Austin's Stone Cold Alcohol. That's right outside the Ring. It's at the first town of.men."  
  
"Zach, I'm scared. I've never been this far away from home. Hold me!"  
  
Zach put an arm around MC and they continued through a field where they ran into Billy and Chuck. Billy and Chuck have nothing better to do, so they decided to walk with their friends. Everything was going fine until Zach hears something in the distance.  
  
"Do you hear that?"  
  
"Hear what?" Billy asked.  
  
"It sounds like.the revving of an engine. We better get off the road."  
  
They no sooner get off the road when John Cena pulls up in a sports car.  
  
Yo, yo, yo  
  
I'm a beltphantom  
And I'm looking for the one  
Lord Vince wants it back  
I can't rest 'til it's done  
  
So give me that belt  
You scurvy knave  
Or I'll kill you  
And pee on your grave  
  
Cena drives off.  
  
"What was that?" Chuck asked in amazement.  
  
"I don't know. But I think that Michael and I better get to Austin's Stone Cold Alcohol. Fast."  
  
Okay that was a really lame rap, but I couldn't think of anything better and I really didn't spend too much time on it. I promise, if he raps again (which he probably will) it will be much better! 


	4. Of scuzzbags and bar hos

Previously: Zach gains possession of the belt, which is discovered to be the Undisputed Championship Belt. Zach and Michael joined by Billy and Chuck set out on their journey and they run into John Cena, a beltphantom.  
  
The group (Billy and Chuck now know what is going on) finally reaches the nearby town. Surrounded by large people they find their way to Austin's Stone Cold Alcohol. They walk in to find the owner, Steve Austin.  
  
"What can I do for ya?"  
  
"Um." Zach stuttered. "We are looking for Foley the Fuchsia. He should be expecting us."  
  
"Foley?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Great guy. He's not here though. But feel free to stay here for the night. Well, actually it's not free."  
  
Zach and the hobbits paid for a room and then went down to the bar. It was crowded with men and serving wenches/bar hos were everywhere. A very scuzzy looking man was watching a dancing bar ho.  
  
"Shake it Torrie. Shake it!" He told her. Then he saw the hobbits. "Hey, you! Midgets! Come here."  
  
"Why that insolent SOB!" Chuck stated. The hobbits went over.  
  
"I'm sorry." The man said, " I forgot, you like to be known as little people these days."  
  
"We are hobbits!" Michael corrected.  
  
"Never heard that before.but anyways.any of you got some singles. The ladies like it when they get a tip."  
  
Zach and the man exchanged currency.  
  
"Here Torrie." The man said sticking a dollar in her girdle, "I'll see you later."  
  
He then turned to the hobbits, "My name is Test, but some people call me Andrew and I have other names.but that is unimportant. I know what you have with you, and I know what is following you."  
  
"Here's your drink sir."  
  
"Nidia! Haven't seen you in awhile. Next time I'm in town we need to get together."  
  
"Okay!"  
  
"The ladies love me." Test sighed to himself. "Anyways, I know everything."  
  
"What do you want with us?" Zach asked.  
  
"I want to help you. Ah, Steph!'  
  
"What do you want?" a nearby serving wench snapped.  
  
"I just wanted you to know that I had a great time last night."  
  
"Test, you slime! I know that you're seeing Torrie tonight!" the wench stomped off.  
  
"She'll be back. They always come back. Anyways, I'm a friend of Foley's and he is detained. I do not know why or how, but this cannot be good. We shall go to Toronto and seek the council of the Rock."  
  
"Toronto! That's where the elves are!" MC squealed with joy.  
  
Just then, Shelton Benjamin wearing a wig walks up.  
  
"Hey baby, my name's Shamiqua. How are you doin'?"  
  
"I'm Test, and I'm doin' much better now that you're here." 


	5. don't make me bust a cap

Previously: The four hobbits arrive at Austin's Stone Cold Alcohol to find Foley isn't there and a scuzzy stranger named Test waiting.  
  
Test is forced to cancel his plans with Torrie in order to stay the night with the hobbits, so they can tell their story and hide out from the belt phantoms.  
  
"What are they?" Zach asked.  
  
"They used to be WWE superstars, but then they accepted rings from Vince McMahon. Now they are dead, but not dead all the same."  
  
"So they're like zombies." Michael added.  
  
"No, they're phantoms."  
  
"ohh."  
  
The sounds of low riders, motorcycles and really bad Latin music fill the streets.  
  
"The Belt phantoms!"  
  
The belt phantoms go to the room that the belt bearer is supposed to be, and the sound of gunshots are heard, followed by the sounds of cursing.  
  
"Damn!"  
  
"F'n hell!"  
  
The next morning, the group of five sets out toward Toronto. They stop at an old ruin of a watchtower for the night. In the middle of the night, Zach wakes to find the rest of the hobbits getting drunk.  
  
"You idiots! What if the belt phantoms come!"  
  
As though on cue, belt phantoms emerge from the woods in all directions and head toward the watchtower.  
  
"AHHHH!"  
  
Quickly the phantoms close in and pull out their shotguns.  
  
"Yo, yo, yo, you best hand over that belt, fool."  
  
Michael, Billy and Chuck turn and run, leaving Zach to fend for himself.  
  
"Wait." feeling like there was nothing better to do, Zach straps on the belt. Everything becomes all blue and shimmers. "Ohhh, pretty."  
  
Belt phantom Cena reaches out for the belt, but Zach turns away.  
  
"Don't make me bust a cap."  
  
Zach sticks out his tongue and gets shot.  
  
"OWIE!" In the blue shimmeryness Test is seen giving belt phantoms boots to the face. Zach takes off the belt and faints.  
  
Later  
  
Zach is going in and out of consciousness. Test and Michael go to look for some plants to put on Zach's wound. They split off and Test finds something that he's been looking for.  
  
"Oh! Pot!"  
  
He frantically begins to pick some pot leafs and doesn't hear someone approach him from behind and put a gun to the back of his head.  
  
"What's this, a pervert caught with his pants on?" 


End file.
